The Roller Coaster

Adoption is part of our journey. We have chosen to walk this path and if I am honest, sometimes I wonder why any sane person would do such a thing.  As you wait for a match you have plenty of time to contemplate what it is that you are getting into. Fear of the unknown threatens to take me down almost daily. The heartache of imagining what our little one will endure as we take her from her home, the people she has known, is overwhelming.  There are feelings of frustration as we wait for the governing authorities to do what they need to do...the thankfulness for those same people who are doing what they can to keep these precious children safe. The enormous sense of loss in the midst of all we will gain. This ride is the biggest, baddest roller coaster you have ever seen: we choose to get on, filled with expectancy for the wildest ride ever.  As we slowly climb to the tippy top we are full of fear and anticipation awaiting the thrill that is sure to come, hating and loving it all at once.  This is one of the steepest climbs we have made and I KNOW it will be worth it.

Some of the thoughts that I wrestle with include tough ones like this:

What IF my little girl has a Mother who has relinquished her because she cannot feed her, cannot give her medicine or education? How will I be able to look her in the eye? Why is it that our solution is to take that child from her mama? How is that the best solution? How do I reconcile myself to this reality? For the millions of orphans in this world I am thankful that there is adoption but I can't help but question what we can do to change this. 

Food. My family has more than enough to eat. Education. We take it for granted. Reading, writing, math, hygiene, sex education. It is all at our fingertips. Health care. Clean water. From the tap. All the time.  We have an abundance of these resources and technology so there has to be a better answer.

What exactly do I do with questions such as these?

They are the sharp turns that jerk our bodies painfully to the other side. They are the moments when we find ourselves upside down, feet dangling, screaming "you lied! you lied!" willing our world to right itself once again. 

But like I said, we hopped on this ride, willingly, expectantly and it will not disappoint. So we will struggle and wrestle. We will be stretched and sharpened and we will trust that the path set before us will bring us closer to who it is that we are intended to be and all the praise and glory will be given to God alone.